Unconditional Love: Reality or Myth?
Unconditional love, by its very definition, is love that exists without any expectations or conditions. It’s a pure form of love that transcends material or emotional needs. However, in real life, love is rarely unconditional. Whether in romantic relationships or marriages, love is often entangled with personal desires, societal pressures, and even financial needs.
For men and women alike, love often starts with emotional connection or physical attraction, but as relationships progress, conditions inevitably seep in. Emotional support, financial stability, physical appearance, social status, and even lifestyle compatibility become integral factors in whether a relationship survives or thrives.
The Marriage Equation in Indian Society: Pressures on Both Sides
In Indian society, marriage is not just a union between two people—it’s often seen as a union between two families, and comes with a host of societal expectations. These expectations are not one-sided; both men and women are subject to scrutiny, pressure, and demands, often from a young age.
The Burden on Women: A Man Who "Has It All"
In the context of arranged marriages, many women are raised with the expectation that they should marry someone who is financially stable, well-educated, and socially respected. The idea that the man should be the provider is still deeply embedded in Indian culture, despite strides toward gender equality. This puts immense pressure on men to "have it all"—a good career, financial assets, and social standing—before they are considered suitable for marriage.
While women are breaking barriers in education and the workplace, the expectation for their partners to be "better" than them economically persists. This expectation is partly rooted in the traditional belief that a man should be the breadwinner, but it’s also exacerbated by modern society’s fixation on status and wealth. The financial success of a partner is often seen as a symbol of stability and security.
However, this does not mean women are shallow or materialistic; rather, it reflects the complex realities they face. Many women seek financial stability in a partner because they recognize that economic hardship can strain relationships, especially in a country where there is limited state support for those who struggle financially. Still, the pressure on men to meet these financial benchmarks can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment, making love feel increasingly conditional.
The Pressure on Men: Looks, Status, and Providing
Men, too, face their own set of challenges when it comes to love and marriage. In arranged marriages, men are often expected to find a woman who fits a certain beauty ideal, which is culturally reinforced. Indian society has long promoted certain beauty standards for women, like fair skin and a slim figure, which are still prominent in matrimonial ads and social expectations. Men may feel societal pressure to marry someone who enhances their social standing, but this often leads to the superficialization of relationships, where physical appearance becomes more important than emotional compatibility.
Moreover, men are burdened with the expectation of being the primary provider. In love marriages, this pressure doesn't disappear. Men often feel they need to prove their worth by achieving certain financial milestones, buying a house, or securing a high-paying job. The stress of being the primary breadwinner can create emotional distance and insecurity, especially if men feel that they are being loved for what they can provide rather than for who they are.
The Influence of Movies and Fake Influencers
One cannot ignore the outsized influence that movies and modern-day social media influencers have on young men and women’s perceptions of love and marriage. Bollywood movies, in particular, are notorious for portraying exaggerated and often unrealistic versions of love. The "happily ever after" narrative that unfolds on the screen sets false expectations for real relationships.
Fake Influences on Women
For women, movies and influencers often push the idea of the perfect fairy-tale romance, where the prince sweeps them off their feet, fulfilling every emotional and financial need. This unrealistic portrayal can set young women up for disappointment when real relationships don’t measure up to these standards. Social media influencers, who flaunt their seemingly perfect lives, often reinforce these unrealistic standards, making young women feel inadequate if their partner doesn’t provide the same lifestyle or if their relationship doesn’t look as glamorous.
Fake Influences on Men
For men, the influence of movies and social media is equally damaging. Movies often depict men as the ultimate providers—strong, emotionally distant, but always successful and capable of handling everything. This trope creates an unrealistic expectation that men should never show vulnerability or weakness. Men are often conditioned to believe that their worth in a relationship is tied to their ability to provide financially and protect emotionally.
Social media influencers exacerbate this pressure, with countless accounts showing wealthy men flaunting expensive cars, luxurious homes, and idealized relationships. For young men, this creates an image of success that is tied solely to material wealth, leading to an immense pressure to live up to these expectations. When they cannot, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, and in some cases, resentment toward the very notion of love and marriage.
The Pseudo-Feminism Dilemma: A Double Standard?
In modern discussions of love, equality, and marriage, feminism plays an important role. Women are fighting for equal rights, equal pay, and equal opportunities. However, when it comes to love and marriage, some criticize that a form of "pseudo-feminism" has emerged—where equality is demanded in theory but not always practiced in relationships. For example, some women might expect their partner to treat them as equals but still hold on to the expectation that the man should be the primary breadwinner or provider.
This double standard exists because societal norms are slow to change. Feminism and equality are reshaping the workforce, but in matters of the heart, traditional gender roles continue to persist. Women want to be independent but still seek a partner who can provide financially, while men may feel torn between wanting an equal partner and the pressure to "outperform" their spouse. This dynamic creates confusion, tension, and sometimes even resentment between partners.
Conclusion: Love, Marriage, and the Myth of Unconditionality
In both love and marriage, the concept of unconditional love is often unattainable because relationships are built on expectations—whether emotional, financial, or physical. The influence of societal norms, economic pressures, and media portrayals makes it nearly impossible for love to exist without conditions. Both men and women are subject to unrealistic expectations that shape their perceptions of love and marriage.
While it’s easy to blame one gender for imposing conditions, the truth is that both men and women are products of a society that places immense pressure on them to fulfill certain roles. The result is that love becomes increasingly conditional, not out of choice but out of necessity. The key to healthy, lasting relationships is understanding that love, while idealized as unconditional, must be grounded in mutual respect, realistic expectations, and a shared sense of partnership.
In a world full of fake influencers, exaggerated movie romances, and societal pressures, the challenge is not to seek unconditional love but to find a love that is real, balanced, and built on a foundation of understanding and equality.